Cranky Uchiha
by Rinnegan no Ozil
Summary: "Do not disturb an Uchiha; especially a dead one," is what the Ancient Laws state. The Shinobi world would never be the same again


**Cranky Uchiha:**

 **Disclaimer:** "I own Naruto and all its characters," says Masashi Kishimoto.

 **Summary:** "Do not disturb an Uchiha; especially a dead one," is what the Ancient Laws state. The Shinobi world would never be the same again.

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 **(Unknown location)**

Kabuto was sweating profusely. He could feel that something was amiss. His ninja senses were tingling, warning him to abandon this latest experiment. However, he would not give up now. He was so close to achieving something that even Orochimaru-sama had failed to achieve properly. Yes, he would definitely do it. Against his better judgment, he steeled his resolve, took a deep breath and went through a series of hand signs, before slamming his hand on the ground:

" **Edo Tensei!"**

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 **(80 years ago)**

The white haired man barely got himself out of harm's way, the kunai instead embedding into the wooden log with a thud, which he had substituted himself with. Before the assailant could react, the man appeared behind him, slicing his head off. Even with his enemy beheaded, the Senju went through a flurry of seals, before slamming his hand on the back of his enemy's corpse, rendering him immobile.

Tobirama took a deep sigh. _'Damn these bastards!'_ he thought, before scribbling something under the scroll that he was currently writing in. Once done, he rolled the scroll up, before sealing it with the strongest sealing Jutsu that he knew. Kami knew what the world would come to if some bloody fool got his hands onto this particular scroll.

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 **(5 years ago)**

Orochimaru smirked to himself, as he eyed his latest acquisition. Clearly being the Sandaime's favored pupil had its perks. Including, removing forbidden scrolls from the Hokage mansion for 'research' purposes.

What had piqued the Snake Sennin's interest in this seemingly dusty old scroll was the seal that was applied onto it. There were only a few people left in the five Elemental nations who could decipher the complex and intricate sealing pattern, much less break it. Fortunately for him, Orochimaru was one of them.

Orochimaru placed the scroll on the table in front of him, before going through a flurry of seals. His hands glowed violet for a second, before he slammed his right hand into the center of the scroll. His hand scorched as the seal was slowly undone. Finally, the seal shattered into a million pieces, and Orochimaru removed his charred hand.

The Sennin ignored the pain in his hand in favor of unrolling the scroll. The ancient scroll lay open on the table, and he could easily tell that the scroll was at least fifty years old, if not more, predating the Sandaime's time. The next hour was spent deciphering the ancient texts, and Orochimaru nursed his injured hand during the process. A chill ran down his spine, and his eyes widened in disbelief, as he finally deciphered what the Jutsu was intended for.

This was it. The key to immortality!

Reaching the end, Orochimaru focused on the quickly scribbled text on the bottom. His eye brows scrunched in concentration, as he failed to make any connection.

" _ **Do not use this Jutsu to revive any Uchiha. They will pull a new power out of their asses and wrestle control from you."**_

' _As if,'_ the proud scientist thought, ripping that part of the text off the bottom and tossing it into a flame. Little did the Sennin know how this would alter the course of the history of the Elemental nations.

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 **(Present time)**

Uchiha Itachi was back in the realm of the living. And he was pissed.

In another timeline, Itachi entered the battle field, looking all majestic in his maroon coat and dark Shinobi pants. In this timeline, however, he barely had time to put on his underpants, before he was forcefully summoned to the real world. A shiver ran down his spine as he remembered the smoldering look that Izumi had directed at him, uttering those dreadful three words…

' _Make it quick!'_

 **(Battlefield)**

Naruto thought he had seen it all. Since the beginning of his life, he had seen many bizarre sights. Shirtless assassins with big ass swords, sand demons, snake demons, giant foxes… the lot. Then, Uchiha Itachi happened.

Namely, Uchiha Itachi in underpants happened.

"Eww, cover yourself up!" Naturally, the blonde was not prepared for such a glorious sight. Following the sound, Itachi turned around. Before he could say anything, the blonde in front of him started gagging loudly. While his face gave away nothing, inside the Uchiha was seething. No one reacted to the sight of a half-naked Uchiha Itachi like that!

Suddenly, a raven's head emerged from the blonde's mouth. The rest of the body soon followed. The newcomer flew towards the Uchiha and did something that even the veterans of the Shinobi world would refrain from; he looked the Uchiha straight in the eyes.

Naruto looked at the brief stare down with wonderment. _'I bet this raven fed straight from the Shinju tree to have balls that big,'_ Naruto thought. Then, wonder of wonders, right before his eyes, Itachi blinked! The raven had won the stare down! Naturally, being an Uchiha and all, Amaterasu followed, and the raven breathed his last.

Naruto thought about making a run for it. An angry Uchiha Itachi was not an opponent that he ever wanted to face. However, before he could succeed, Itachi called out to him. "It's alright. I am in control." The blonde breathed a sigh of relief, both at Itachi calming down and at avoiding spoiling his pants.

The fight with Nagato followed, which pretty much went the same way, and Nagato was sealed. During the fight, Itachi managed to pin point Kabuto's location, but he decided against going there. If he had to set things right, so that he would _not_ be disturbed again, he had to eliminate the root cause of all this conflict. In this timeline, Uchiha Itachi decided to head straight to the battlefield, with Naruto and Killer Bee.

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 **(Unknown location)**

Kabuto was about to shit himself. His plan had gone down the drain. Here he thought that with Itachi at his side, he would take over the world. Now, he had unleashed a demon upon the Shinobi world, with limitless stamina and infinite capacity to heal. There were only two options left now; he could either undo the Edo Tensei, or he could take a riskier option.

Obviously, he took the second option. Well, they did say something about fighting fire with fire, right?

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 **(Battlefield)**

Limbs fell and bodies flew everywhere as Uchiha Itachi joined the battlefield. The presence of the S-Ranked Uchiha and the two Jinchuuriki reinvigorated the Allied Shinobi Forces, and they engaged the enemy with rekindled spirits. The female Kunoichi took up arms with even more fervor, showing off their best Jutsu, in a bid to woo the half-naked Uchiha. Some of the Jutsu they used might have 'accidentally' got close to the crimson eyed Adonis, but he dodged every one of them with flexibility that every Kunoichi would be proud of. Those stubborn underpants of his just refused to fall off!

The sealing corps was working overtime, as the charred or slashed or a combination of both kind of reanimated bodies fell with the combined efforts of the three Kage level Shinobi.

Just when it looked like the battle was won, a single coffin appeared on a sand dune near the Fourth Company. The younger Shinobi were almost eager for the enemy to emerge, but a layer of dread passed over the veterans. The enemy had played his trump card.

"It is finally time," the ancient voice said, confirming the fears of those present around him. The raven haired man exited the coffin, dusted off his red-plated armor, stretched his muscles, and took a deep breath. The monster that had not walked the Shinobi lands for some eighty years had returned. And he was thirsty for blood.

Crimson eyes passed over the enemies, and the weaker-willed Shinobi almost threw up at the unadultered killing intent that they felt. This was the face of terror, the stuff of nightmares, evil reincarnated.

"Come," was the clear command as the ancient warmonger strolled coolly towards the gathered Shinobi. "It's only one enemy and we are thousands. I say we take him," shouted a brave soul, as he rushed towards Madara. The Allied forces, emboldened by the recent victories and the passionate speech, followed their comrade. And, then, the battle turned into a massacre.

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By the time the three got there with reinforcements, only a few were left remaining. Hacked and slashed limbs and corpses of multiple Shinobi of every allegiance lay everywhere, with the blood soaking the soil and coating it crimson. There was what seemed like an asteroid embedded into the ground, no doubt burying the corpses of thousands of Shinobi beneath it. The rest of the battlefield fared no better either.

Despite the scenes of destruction that they had just witnessed, Itachi looked at Madara and smiled. This was the enemy that he needed to defeat. The one he could test the limit of his ability against.

"I will take him," he commanded as he walked towards Madara, Mangekyou Sharingan on the ready. Madara noticed Itachi's lack of clothing and he boiled with anger. _'So this is how Konoha has treated my clan! Like slaves!'_ Then his eyes fell on Itachi's eyes (pun intended) and a genuine smile appeared over his features. "You have good eyes, my fellow clansman," Madara addressed the newcomer. "Join me, and we shall have the world."

"The dead should remain dead," was Itachi's calm reply. "Besides, the afterlife is a million times better!" Standing a few feet away from his predecessor, Itachi took a fighting stance, a bloodied kunai gripped firmly in his right hand.

"Interesting! I am game. Entertain me!" Madara said with an uproarious laugh, before the two Shinobi vanished. Clangs rang around their general area as the two Shinobi went at it. Dust clouds obscured the field, as the two warriors engaged themselves in a no holds barred Taijutsu battle.

The younger Chuunin had a hard time chasing their shadows and even the battle hardened veterans could barely make out their inhuman movements. Only those possessing some kind of visual prowess could witness the glorious battle that was taking place, as the two immortals tried to hack each other to pieces.

Sparks flew off a corner of the field as the combatants pushed each other away. Itachi stared straight into the eyes of Madara, who was grinning insanely. "No one since Hashirama has been able to entertain me like this." Suddenly, the older Shinobi found his ability to move hampered. Itachi flew straight at him, aiming for the jugular. However, before he could succeed, Madara regained consciousness and kicked him away. The younger Shinobi back flipped in the air, before skidding to a halt, his feet dragging in the sand.

"A Genjutsu even stronger than Izuna's!" Madara praised. "Join me, young one. Your eyes are much too precious to go to waste." Itachi's eyes rose for the briefest moments, before he regained his calm exterior. Madara smiled and nodded. "Ah, yes, you finally noticed my eyes. I was saving them for later, but you left me no choice." Madara's crimson Mangekyou Sharingans had been replaced by the purple Rinnegans, with black concentric circles.

Knowing that his Genjutsu was close to useless now, Itachi shifted tactics, once again dashing straight at Madara. Their Kunais clashed once again, as Itachi went for a roundhouse kick, which Madara ducked under. The older Shinobi retaliated with a kick to Itachi's chin, which he blocked with both hands, grunting with the effort that it took to stop it, before grabbing Madara's foot and tossing him forward towards his clone.

Madara sailed straight to the clone and was suddenly engulfed in obsidian flames, burning his armor and scorching his skin. The legendary Uchiha quickly gathered chakra in his hands, and started absorbing the flames by using the Rinnegan's ability.

That was all the opening that Itachi needed.

It was only Madara's keen battle sense that helped him avoid the projectile aimed at him, as he substituted himself with a fallen rock. The rock was instantly obliterated by the blazing magatama. The ancient warmonger found himself on the run, as Itachi gave him no time to recover, annihilating every single place that the magatama struck.

Madara glanced back at the younger Uchiha and could not help but feel extremely proud. His descendant had managed to activate the Susano'o! The orange humanoid was hurling the fiery projectiles with such accuracy that he had no time to act. Even in this reanimated body, Madara felt the thrill of battle. This was the kind of contest that he craved. He would not disrespect his opponent by holding back.

When Itachi launched the next projectile, Madara stood still. However, before the projectile could blast him to pieces, a blue armor surrounded Madara, halting the attack from his adversary. The armor soon gained a proper humanoid form, standing almost as tall as any Bijuu, matching its opponent in size. Blue flaming swords appeared in both his hands as it rushed towards his opponent.

Itachi's Susano'o unsheathed its curved blade and met the clash head on. The force by which the two giant weapons collided was enough to cause shock waves and shake the ground violently. The humanoid titans clashed once again with their blades, causing sparks to fly off, and reshaping the landscape by their movement.

"More, more! Give me more. Give me all of it!" Madara shouted, forming his full body Susano'o, and pushing Itachi away. Itachi met his challenge head on, by using his trump card, and causing his Susano'o to grow in size. The humanoid titan attained the size equal to Madara's, with a flaming sword in his right hand and a shield in the other.

"It is time for you to be put to rest, Madara," Itachi calmly said, as his Susano'o flew towards his predecessor. Their blades met and caused ferocious winds to rush towards the onlookers, forcing them to take shelter. The meeting of their blades was a symphony of destruction, laying the battlefield to waste.

Both of the Shinobi were undeterred as they fought with all their might. The titans went back and forth at each other, clashing blades and exchanging punches, trying to get into the other's armor.

" **Shinra Tensei!"**

Suddenly Itachi found himself skidding across the battlefield by the force of Madara's attack. Only the timely use of the Yata mirror prevented him from falling over. The older Shinobi pressed his advantage, landing blows after blows and pressing Itachi into a corner. However, Itachi managed to come out of the intense attacks unscathed.

Itachi knew that he needed to finish this quickly, or he risked endangering the lives of the Allied Shinobi. It was time to end this battle.

" **Amaterasu!"**

Madara soon found his view blocked by the dark flames, as the Susano'o started falling away slowly. Using the Rinnegan's ability, he started absorbing the flames. While doing so, he failed to notice the huge projectile that made its way towards him. The weakened Susano'o could only take so much punishment before giving out. As a result, the front of the armor fell, exposing Madara to Itachi's final attack.

Madara felt no pain as Itachi's Totsuka blade pierced his abdomen. What alarmed him, though, was his consciousness slipping away. It was then that he realized just what he was facing; the three imperial regalia. Using them in combination with the Susano'o was a masterstroke, and Madara praised his opponent accordingly.

"You are only the second ever Shinobi who has defeated me in battle. I, Madara, declare you the strongest Uchiha!" were his final words, before he was sucked into the gourd.

It was only the pissed face of Izumi that stopped Itachi from breathing a sigh of relief. He needed to set things straight, and do it quickly.

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 **(Secret Hideout)**

Kabuto knew what was coming, but he decided not to run or hide. Maybe if he spared the Uchiha the effort to look for him, his end would be quick. What he did not expect was for Sasuke to come barging in with Itachi.

"Release the Edo Tensei," was Itachi's simple command, and Kabuto nodded. He went through a series of hand signs, before finishing, and Itachi's body was engulfed in a bright light. The Uchiha, before his soul left his body, left one very clear message (*cough* threat *cough*) for his younger brother, "Sasuke, I love you and all, but if anyone reanimates me again, I am taking you with me."

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 **(Aftermath)**

Uchiha Itachi was hailed as the hero of the Fourth Great Shinobi War. Naruto was able to use his Talk no Jutsu to convince Obito into leaving his evil ways and starting over. Obito paid off Naruto's trust by assassinating the Black Zetsu, hence ending the cycle of hatred.

The final battlefield was renamed as "The Susano'o desert."

Sasuke? He went on a journey _'to atone for his sins'_ , devoting himself to removing all signs of the existence of Edo Tensei from the world.

 **(Ninja Heaven)**

"It's Itachi-sama!" shrieked the fanatic fan girls, who had committed seppuku just to be near the hot Uchiha. Naturally, the Uchiha's afterlife was turned upside down by this latest development.

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 **A/N:** Almost there. Next time I update, it might be a new chapter of Kyuubi's Blessing.

 **Please Rate and Review!**

P.S. If you liked this story, please give my other stories a read.


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